It's been a whole year or maybe two. I'm happy to be here again, but I'm not as happy about it taking so long to get back. I could blame it on my procrastination issue OR I could tell you about some of the things that may have stopped me from visiting you again some include opening restaurant, having a toddler and ten year old, and trying to find the balance between being, mom, wife, dealing with grief from my dad passing, being a business owner or just being me lol. Regardless of it all, I've missed you!!!!!
So as you can see from the title, all I have to say about what's been going on is wow...! The last time we talked I was talking about the 'beginning of Zion". If you wonder why the titles of my blogs seem to be (centered) around Zion, it's because he is one of the biggest reasons for me starting this blog, and he was also birthed out of my marriage. The whole concept of this blog is showing you how there are scars that you heal from in every situation. Scars were once wounds that have healed but still show up physically. The physical scars always have a story to tell.
Right now marriage is the biggest part of my life and I've always loved to write. I have NO idea why. I always got academic recognition for writing essays and stories in school for as long as I can remember. I I had to write an essay to get into a magnet school and they put me in AP English classes. I may have mentioned it but when I was in college, I wrote an essay and it impressed the necessary personal for a class and was offered to travel to Washington for a 3 day trip to tour the White House and meet President Bush at the time. Dang that was a long time ago... (Obama,Trump...Biden) Yeah that was years ago... But anyway, I don't generally say or talk a lot, and sometimes I'm honestly not able to communicate out loud the way I would want to so writing is a way for me to be myself and say what I want and feel!
When I had Zion, I realized a lot of things about my life, I almost died, I have a child now, I'm married, my parents/family disowned me (in a sense) .... those were my thoughts and I kept them inside. My husband and I would talk about it but sometimes it consumed our marriage and not always in a good way. So I said let me write and share this because some way or another, something has to come from it. I've always been that person to want to help and share no matter what or how. I always wanted meaning to come from ME.
So..... here we are again
Now if you could believe it, I typed that paragraph in April. It is now October, smh. Get it together Tajshina!
It really took a lot to sit back at this laptop and write my feelings, lessons, triumphs. Literally everyday for months and a year, I woke up determined to write. Not because this blog is so good that people can't wait to read it, but because it's a passion of mine. I struggle to do it though. Does that make sense? If I could wanted to end this here I would end it by saying KEEP GOING. OMG it's so hard but you have help in Him. I've had to figure out ways to be successful at just waking up in the morning and doing what I have to do. We'll talk about that later, because some people can just get up and go, others need something. Now there are times when we self sabotage... Ok. I want to explain this in the best way possible because I feel like it can help somebody... shoot it can help me.
When God wants you to do something, when you're meant to do something. It weighs on you. Either you want to do it, youre good at doing it, you love to do it... whatever it is, He touches your heart to do so. I have no idea why He put it on my heart to start this one day. Like I said, I've always LOVED reading and writing stories. To share my stories was honestly not my intention most of the time. Talking about myself and the things I go through was pretty much discouraged when I was growing up. We didnt share a lot about our family or family business. One thing we did do was we shared things after they happened and after God did His thing in the situation. That's cool too, but sometimes in the moment if you have someone to talk to, they may be able to help you out of a situation.
For instance, my dad use to always tell the story about how we almost got evicted during the Christmas season. A lot of people don't know about the things we went through as people in ministry or pastors kids. I was often told to my face, seriously that "ya'll don't go through nothing. So we had to keep it together in public because that was the persona. "They always have it together"
We were struggling one year, just really on hard times. It was me and my brother at the time, my other two sisters weren't born yet and I believe we were somewhere around the ages of 10 and 6 me being the oldest. So I'm going to make this short. My dad was the best at telling what the Lord had done for him and us. I mean he was the best story teller, and when he finished a story, It made you want to follow Christ over and over. He Loved the Lord and from what he shared, the Lord truly loved Him to. So like a lot of people, py parents had gotten behind on their rent. We lived in a really nice townhouse in Seagoville. Of course me and my brother had no idea. Those were grown people problems. This day me and my mom and brother were in the living room and my dad was upstairs. There was a knock on the door. "Who is it"? My mom said... "Constable" (I don't remember his name so let's call him Warren) "Constable Warren... My mom didn't open the door and by that time my dad was coming down the stairs. He went to the door. Hi officer how are you. Hello, can we come in? Apparently when you're about to be put out of your house, a constable, a police officer and a banker all come together. It could be different now, this is just how this particular situation happened. So, they come in. Now mind you, I was there but I'm telling this story from my dad's point of view. I loved hearing him tell it. ( I have now idea why I'm telling this story but I think it will make sense later. Im just going with it)
So all of these strangers are in our house, none of them are my color, and they are ready to sit our stuff outside. It's like evening time. Yes a very weird time. So my dad says "Can I help you" and they talk to him and tell him the situation, a situation he knows full well about because he knew he owed. (Disclaimer, before I go any further... this story has been told publicly by my parents plenty of times so I'm not sharing anything they haven't shared before) Now back to it. They have a conversation, of which I don't really understand, but here is when my dads version kicks in. "So the constable says Mr. Brock, were here to put your stuff outside."" I said can you wait just a few more days, it's Christmas time and please I just need a few more days". The constable said to me, we have given you time and there is nothing we can do, we have strict orders, I'm sorry. So in my dads head all he could think about was how the neighbor were going to see his family's entire house sitting in the front yard. He said he prayed, inside and asked the Lord what he should do. He said God told him walk up three steps. The constable started giving orders on what to take out of the house first. He said "are you sure you can't give us just a few more days"? NO we cannot... My dad said he just couldn't let them put his family out so we walked up the steps one two three, turned around and said FATHER IN THE NAME OF JESUS!!! The constable, police and banker JUMPED, lol. They looked at each other and the and the constable said ok wait, how much time did you say you needed????!!!! My daddy said "48 hours!" They said OKAY!... and left! This story is 100% true, I can't make this up. Every time my dad told that story, in church he had EVERYBODY on the edge of their seats and by the end of the story everybody was on their feet. I've seen God handle things in a lot of different ways. That was one of the things my parents shared after the fact of course. Because in two days, they had the money! I get two lessons from that story. One: God is going to bless you one way or another no matter how you chose to handle your situations. Sometimes we just don't know how. and Two: If we chose to share what we're going through (with the right person) we may be able to avoid some things before they happen.
I told you that story just as an example of how situations we go through may help somebody else. God will always be there for us to call on Him:m. That day my family needed the Lord quickly and He was there. There are times when we need to say God I need you NOW, and other times God wants us to trust the process and just watch Him work.
There are so many people who helped me, who are helping me and will help me. So it's only right I do the same. Now I'm not sure have as much faith as my daddy, God was truly with Him that day and I witnessed the Lord do some amazing things in His life, and for our whole family. That's partly the reason my relationship with God is so strong now. What I am experiencing though, is a life where I have to totally trust Him on my own. My parents journey was thier's and God is taking me on a journey with just Him and me.
Alright, so lets get into it!!! Whew chile, it's been a challenging year or year in a half IDK
Marriage has taught me a lot of things. I've had to depend on God way more than I thought. All in good ways of course, because it has mad me grow so much and understand God in ways I didnt know! I don't know why I was thinking that marriage was going to complete me. Yeah I said it...but this is my story. To some marriage completes them. In my case God wanted me to lean fully on him first and then trust in turn, trust the man I married to lead me and the family, and that's how I became complete. Let me just make a side note real quick... Ladies, if your man is leading you to no good, um let him have that. Cuz Im not following nobody who ain't following Christ. I'm sorry. Thats another topic for another day. But. I had it wrong. The way I was doing it, before marriage, I was depending on my parents. They told me what was wrong, they told me what to wear, they told me what to listen to and who to hang out with. They were doing it all in the name of religion of course. Nothing wrong with that... because their reason was because this is the way God wants you to live your life. But I wasn't allowing myself to fully rely on God. Fully relying on Him means letting Him convict you when you know you're wrong. It means literally asking Him, should I wear this, or does it make me look stank... ijs, should I go there with them, how will that make you look God, if I did or said that? How do I answer this question God, or give me what to say and the confidence to let this job know how much I'm worth. So when I got married, there was no one there to say no don't do that. If it wasn't meant for me to do something, I had to understand why for myself and let Him lead me. You'll know. You will have this feeling that you shouldn't talk to the guy you met or you shouldn't trust her with your business., You'll know whether or not to hire the nanny because something just doesn't seem right about her.. Let me tell you something, I didn't know at first. I trusted so much and it caused me a lot of pain. Pain grows you, but you have no idea that you're growing during that time. It just hurts. There have been so many things said and done behind my back, just like a lot of you, because I was clueless. I didn't realize that there are some people out there who don't really care, and that was a painful blow to experience. I'll share some of them later because it 's was so interesting for lack of a better word, to find out who was saying what. You think you freakin know somebody???? Baby naw. So I'm eager to tell ya'll who, what and why.
Last year has defiantly changed my thought trajectory. I think you may notice the tone of these blogs may be a little different than before, and there's so much I want to talk about. There is so much I've learned about myself and about God that I'm excited to share.
I have to say by for now, gotta go open the restaurant but I'll be back later.
So much love...
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