I woke up again in another room. It was only small enough for one bed and a couple machines. There was a big window on one side and I remember how busy it was on the outside of that window. The room must have been in the middle of that particular floor because there was so much noise whenever someone opened the door. I didn't mind. Although I had no idea where I was or what happened. I had forgotten just that quick what was going on. I wasn't sure why I didn't know what was going on, I just knew and felt like I was safe, lol. It took me a while to really realize why I was in the hospital and in this recovery room by myself. A nurse came in and looked pleased that I was finally awake. She smiled and told me I would be there for a day and voiced her excitement about how I would be graduating the next morning. I still didn't know what was what!! But when everything was over and I was at home, a couple of people called me and said I had called them, and thought for a minute I was drunk. So that room was the recovery room where they kept me drugged up until I could cope and handle everything! While in this room I had called a friend and told her all my business. She told me she was polite and didn't ask me too many questions for fear of me answering them too truthfully. How gracious of her, lol.
Anyway the nurse starts telling me about why I was there and about the medications, I don't remember her telling me about my little boy or even offering to let me see him. I didn't ask any questions either. I remember staying quiet, and trying not to worry about anything. By that time they had hooked me up to a pee bag ( a catheter ) and had given me so much medicine. She gave me a button to press whenever I felt pain or when I felt I needed it and told me it was morphine. MORPHINE!?!? oh no! I will not be needing your morphine! I didn't realize how much pain I was going to be in until whatever they gave me initially wore off. When it wore off I started to panic but then remembered the lesson the nurse gave me on how to press the button when I needed it. She had left the room by this time but before she left I looked at her and told her i was fine, and that I didn't need her medicine button. She looked, smiled and patted me on my arm. "Well if you need it, its there" I then wondered why she was so persistent with this button! But when I tried to move after everything wore off, I couldn't find the button fast enough!! The way they had me hooked up to the medicine, it went directly to my back maybe through my spine, if I remember correctly. Not sure but I do know that when I pressed the button, I felt a cold surge of the medicine shoot through my back, and the pain in my lower abdomen went away almost immediately. I was afraid to move because I felt like moving with a pain like that couldn't be good for me. So for the whole day I stayed in one spot on the bed and never moved. By this time I do not know how long I've been at the hospital but I do know that they still didn't allow me to eat ANYTHING. I asked the nurse "could I please just have some water"? "She said I cant give you water, I am so sorry". She felt bad, I could tell, so later that night she brought me a cup of ice. " I cant give you water or anything to drink but I'll let you suck on these ice chips". She told me to let them melt in my mouth slowly because I couldn't have too much liquid at one time. I wasn't sure why but now I'm thinking that these were measures they had to take to keep up with monitoring my blood pressure.
I hope this is not too detailed. I like to hear stories in detail and that's why I believe I do the same.
The days really didn't have endings or beginnings so I don't know how long I was in there or if it was morning,,,, idk But what I do know is that people started showing up!! I was so shocked and happy that people were coming to visit. I had no idea how they knew, how they found me, who told them... none of that. I just know there was a knock at the door. I remember the TV stayed on ONE channel. I never turned it, or never even turned the volume up. It was like I was in a daze in there. If I'm not mistaken I think the first people to show up was my pastor, Pastor Greer and his wife, our first lady Jackie Greer. I almost cried seeing them because I had no idea they even knew I was there. I had only been a member for a short while, so I felt honored that they would come to see me. After that, all day I started getting visits from EVERYBODY!! My church family, my former bosses Debi and Dr. Meyer (who are now the God parents!)... They all came with smiles and were so encouraging. My sister (from church) Seneca came and she said "I don't even want you to say anything, I just came to hold your hand". And she did just that.... she caressed my hand until somebody else came by. I felt so, just so loved. I felt so important, and you may think "that's what people do when someone has a baby". At that time in my life I was so confused guys... and it wasn't the fact that I was having or had a baby, it was the fact that my family wasn't there. Some may say "Oh but that was your fault"! It was my choice but I wouldn't call it a "fault".
The day went on and the visitors stopped. The last to visit was my mother and father in law. By that time is was late so they didn't stay long, but I was just in bliss over seeing everyone. The one most important person in my life still hadn't shown up yet. He called me and asked "so who came to see you" I said "oh"! and started to list everyone who had come. He said "I thought that would encourage you and make you happy" "Oh so YOU told everyone I was here"? My husband was still in Detroit desperate to get to where I was but there were still no flights out. He said because he couldn't get there, he wanted people there surrounding me who loved me and cared. He knew exactly what he was doing because I felt just that way. So he contacted everyone whom he wanted to be there with me, for me! He helped make me feel so loved even being miles away. He sent his love through the people he knew would show love. If you were there and are reading this, I just want to tell you from the bottom of my heart how truly blessed I felt that day because you were there. Everything was so fresh and so new and I had no idea what was going on. It felt so so good to see loving faces, and to know that you guys took time out of your day to come visit me, meant the world to me, and still does. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
The day is ending... I've pressed the medicine button at least 10 times. I pressed it so much that I was afraid I would be "addicted" by the time I left and would need them to send me home with some. I've had a few conversations and I'm dizzy, drugged up and hungry. Thank God for these ice chips....
A chipper lady nurse, too chipper for this time of morning, woke me up the next day. She introduced herself and told me she was there to teach me how to breast feed. Breast what?? Who am I breast feeding lady? I still haven't seen a child!! She said it was to get ready for when I see him. She wanted to go over pumping and breast feeding. While she was talking, I drifted in and out and had no idea what she was saying. I kept wondering why they sent her in this room knowing my situation. Breast feeding or pumping was NOT my concern. I'm just being honest. My concern was me being able to take this medicine home with me and eating! Those were my two concerns. I hadn't seen the baby but I knew, I just knew he was being well taken care of because I was being well taken care of. I felt like at this time they were doing all they could do and I felt confident about it. I wasn't worried about him. God had given me this peace that I will never understand, while I was there. Like His word says, He will give you a peace that passes all understanding. You know I had always heard that, being quoted but I had never experienced it for myself. I really was "good". Yes there was pain but I couldn't cry. I couldn't cry about my husband not being there, I couldn't cry about my mom, dad, or siblings not being there, I just couldn't. And it was because God was surrounding me so, til the point where I just had to be still! I was just still! Even laying there, I was still. I didn't shift from side to side, I was just STILL. He tells us to be STILL and know. At that moment ya'll, I KNEW! For one, I knew He had kept me alive, because I was ALIVE, in that surgery recovery room. TWO, they hadn't come to my room to tell me ANY bad news about my baby... and THREE I woke up each day I was there with such a soundness I can't even explain. It was like I had grown up and allowed God to just do what He had to do, because I wasn't worried about a thing. I honestly COULDN'T do anything. Thinking back I don't know how... I just don't know how I did that, with a sound mind. And by sound mind I mean not going crazy, panicking, and anxious, you know, the way you feel when you let fear and worry take over....
So all this is going on while this lady is asking me if I have a breast pump at home!!!!! LOL!!!!! So I tuned back in to her and said "no ma'am". She proceeded to tell me how I could rent one from the hospital. "Lady ok, I don't care, I'm drugged up"... But when I tell you, Medical City (in my opinion) has the best nurses and the best lactation (breast feeding nurses) ever!!! They have a whole department, (which I'm sure other hospitals have), dedicated to you, the baby, and breast feeding!! They're enthusiastic, encouraging, patient and gentle. Amateur moms as well as professional moms would appreciate this kind of service!! Later on I appreciated this sooo much. But at this time I just couldn't focus. I had just woken up but I still couldn't keep my eyes OPEN. She could tell, she was so nice, she gracefully exited. Her plan was to come back the next day when I was a bit more coherent, and she did. (smile)
While I'm resting again, my mother in law comes in with some nurses. I didn't even know she was there! When I tell you she fulfilled her mother in law duties during this time, please believe that's what she did over and beyond! She said "ok Tajshina we're moving" ("we're?" I thought...) Where did she come from and why didn't I know of these plans. (Still drugged up) I'm sure I said or thought of a few offensive things while on the meds. She helped them grab my stuff and they moving around like they had made these plans way before they came in!! I was so grateful for her though.
(October 17,2020)