Ok, I'm sorry for making you wait so long. At my defense, this post just took a certain amount of time for a certain "quality" of content. Can I get away with that? Lol. But anyway... here goes
If I could have a conversation with Zion where he would understand, I would look at him and tell him "All I wanted to do was make them proud". (My parents) I would tell him that I had no idea, it never even came to mind that one day, I would have the most precious baby boy in the world but at some point would even question if your grandparents were proud of you, loved you, cherished you....
I'll take you back to where I left off in the last post. I was left alone in the hospital ( a great hospital by the way, omg I loved it. But that's another story) After my company left, I was left to my own thoughts, was left there to make my self laugh if need be, or whatever. So all I could do was think about this song by Fred Hammond. I'm getting teary eyed right now while writing this. When you get a chance search on youtube a song titled "All things are working" by Fred Hammond. I have my phone with me and all I could do was to keep playing that song over and over.
Let me try to put you into my thoughts for a minute. " I'm sitting up in this hospital room, no husband, no mother, father, sister, brother. By myself and they talking about they got me here to deliver this baby. What baby? I'm four months pregnant and my understanding is that it takes NINE MONTHS for a BABY to fully cook! So what are they delivering????!!!! God I don't understand what's happening and why it's happening".
The room so sooooo quiet, that I hardly even noticed the nurse in the corner. She was to stay there with me around the clock and she did exactly that, SHE NEVER LEFT until late the next DAY! I wish I could find her and hug her, yes with corona going on and all, HUG HER!
This is now day two in this room, which was very nice and roomy by the way. But I was stuck to the bed! They wouldn't let me get up for anything!!! A special nurse kept coming in and changing my (pee) bag which was highly embarrassing. I kept saying "oh I didn't even realized I went" She said oh yes you're not gonna know because we put that tube in you which extracts the pee (sorry) directly from your bladder so you're not gonna feel the need or urge to go.(face palm) I was embarrassed but SO thankful that I didn't have to number 2. Maybe that's why they wouldn't let me eat, so I wouldn't have to number 2. Anyway sorry but I'm just trying to paint a picture.
The Fred Hammond song was simply telling me that "all things were working for me, even things I can't see" It was saying that God's ways are so beyond me so just rest and believe that all things are working for me. For me, for my good. Everything was going to be alright. So for the duration of my hospital stay (about a week) I had such a peace and reassurance that everything was okay. (Smile)
That didn't mean that there weren't scary moments or moments when I just had no idea what to do....
My pressure went down and they moved me after two days (no food, no water!!! AAAAHHHH) to another room. It was a recovery room. They told me they were going to keep me there to monitor my pressure and it was possible that I would have to stay there until it was time to deliver the baby. I said four months?? Yes they said, because we want you here where we know we can moderate your blood pressure and the baby. In this room they would come in every four hours to do a sonogram, listen to the baby, watch the baby and make sure the high blood pressure hasn't affected (her).
Morning came. The doctors, about 3 of them, came in a told me I could eat and asked me how I was doing. I ate from the provided menu, the food was good!
Everything was fine, I felt fine, nothing was hurting, I wasn't dizzy, nothing. But one thing that concerned them was how swollen my legs and feet were. They were so swollen, I couldn't even wear the socks they gave me. It was bad. They all kept coming in looking at my legs and feet in amazement, and while talking amongst themselves they were saying how they didn't know how I wasn't in worse shape. They had never seen this before. "All things are working for me" was playing over and over in my head. So they left! "Ok great Mrs. Jones you're doing great, the babys doing great, we'll see you tomorrow". A few hours later a nurse came in to routinely check everything and she didn't like what she saw so she messaged the doctor. About an hour later, one of the doctors and a nurse rushed in and said "Mrs. Jones, your pressure is still fluctuating, we don't think we can get it down to where it will stay so we're going to have to go ahead and deliver the baby". "I said well wait, I thought everything was fine! Can we wait another day just to see if it will get better?" "I thought you said I would stay until it does". They told me that they didn't want to risk the pressure not lowering and if I continued with the pregnancy with pressure that high then I could lose the baby and possibly die as well. So they would rather deliver (her) early in order to save the both of us. I asked if I could have just a FEW minutes to think about it and they told me no while putting me in a wheel chair to take me out of the room. There was literally NO time for anything. Thankfully I had already prayed the night before.
On my way to the surgery prep room I called my husband and tried to stay calm. I told him what was happening and he said "WHAT"! I said "yeah but it's ok because"... "STOP trying to downplay it!" He interrupted. "What's really happening??" I told him what they were doing and he was confused because everything was good when I talked to him earlier that day. "Things changed within a few hours" I said starting to cry. "Ok", um do you want me to call your parents? Your family?" "No" I said... I heard the confusion in his voice, then I felt the hurt, disappointment, and sheer frustration he was feeling through the phone for not being able to be there for the delivery of his child. Still stuck at the airport not able to convince them to change flights around so that he could come home... my husband did the only thing he felt like he could do from miles away. He called his mom, and his pastor.
"Why didn't you call your parents Tajshina???" (You ask) Well my reason to my husband was that I simply only wanted someone there whom I felt would support me and not make me feel like what was happening was because of something I did or was because of something they told me not to do. Confused? Let me explain,.....
The rest coming soon, stay tuned!!
