After the age of thirty, I had told myself I didn't want kids (anymore). In my twenties I was stuck on having a little boy. I had planned to be married by 25 and later kids would come before the age of thirty. Well my friends, life wasn't having it. Funny how we make plans... Don't get me wrong, plans are great. God even expects us to make them, but sometimes if our reason for those plans don't match what He wants for us.... then the plans change! (Haha) When I turned about thirty one or thirty two, I said to myself " oh I'm good without kids" I wanted to travel and be "free" (what does that word even mean??) Yeah that's what I thought! I had just gotten married at 32, my husband had a four year old so I was good. But my "good" was for a selfish reason.
So the next few paragraphs I will introduce to you Gods plan, Zion Josiah Jones.
I still remember everything so vividly... I had been taking (natural birth control), there's no such thing by the way, at least not in my case. But I thought it was working. It didn't. But I was in denial. My husband kept telling me, "I think you're pregnant". I told him I was just working a lot and under stress GOOD stress from being a newlywed. We had been married for two months and some change. I wanted more time with him. Truthfully, I didn't want to be pregnant for our first year. I was (selfishly) thinking it would somehow change things between us and I physically didn't want to change! I knew I would gain weight and I thought a baby would take time from us getting to KNOW each other if you know what I mean. On top of that I was working and liked what I was doing and I felt like I would have to leave my job and be "stuck" at home. These were my thoughts honestly, and I couldn't help it at the time. So Bryan (hub) finally convinced me to take a pregnancy test. I was so frustrated that I went and bought one for 99 cents (smh) I didn't want to spend ANY money on it. When I came back with it he laughed and said "are you serious," "what do you think THAT'S gonna tell you"?? I took the test anyway and because it was so cheap it was hard and very confusing to read. He helped me read it and to him it read POSITIVE. To me it read..."NO'. I said that doesn't look like two double lines it looks like one solid line, he laughed at me again and started preparing for his baby lol. Well of course you know I was wrong. But I was in denial for about a month and a half. Remember I pretty much thought my life was over (how foolish) because I felt like, I'm thirty I'm already set in my ways and I have plans. I never thought about the MANY women who were the same age and older who have kids. But when you're getting in your own way you forget about the positive things, you forget about what God can do for you and how He can change you and you FORGET about how He can make ANY situation wonderful and better than you could EVER imagine. I was getting in my own way, being doubtful and just plain ungrateful.
Fast forward a few weeks. An opportunity came up for me to work for FEMA and travel a little bit. So I told my two bosses who are very understanding and supportive, they gave me their blessing and I left for Houston. While in Houston, I'm still in denial. Meanwhile my husband is at home preparing for a baby, buying EVERYTHING that has to do with babies!! I had no idea he was doing this. I talked to him several times a day and every now and then he would mention (a) baby. I said, "I told you that I'm just working a lot and not eating well and that's why I'm late (meaning my cycle)" He let me go on and on about it but he knew all along. After a few weeks in Houston, he told me to go see someone and get an official test. I listened to him and found a clinic in Houston. The doctor told me I was 12 weeks... I just sat there. Reality had finally hit. I called Bryan and he of course said I TOLD YOU. I went back to the hotel and just sat there.
With the new news I kept trying to figure out how everything would work, how everything would change, how a baby would fit in with my new career. This job that I had called for lots of travel all over the place. How could, how would I do that with a baby. There were so many unnecessary questions like that, going on in my head. This went on for another few weeks until finally God had had enough of it. I woke up one day and He literally got on to me. He told me how foolish I was to not trust Him. He told me how ungrateful I was to be married and have a child. He told me I needed to get myself together "Man" up and do life the way He intended. I really had to apologize, to God, to myself, to my baby..to my husband. I then realized that my ungratefulness could have caused things to happen that I didn't want to happen. So I asked God to forgive me for not seeing this a blessing. I had to ask Him to forgive me for not trusting that my life would be better because HE controls everything (if we let him).
I know had a renewed sense of energy. I was just a little scared but happy. I knew God had forgiven me and I prayed to Him to not let my foolish thoughts and ways effect the baby. When you're pregnant it's important to keep positive vibes, a positive atmosphere good positive people around you.
So I finished my assignment in Houston and headed for Florida. I was about two months. By that time its was almost Thanksgiving. While in Florida I made sure I ate right and exercised. My sister in law made sure we ran along the beach EVERYDAY! I was so fortunate that I was able to work and travel with her. But she was rough as a trainer! Lol! I had gained a little weight by then and wasn't use to the heavier body! Although I didn't tell her I was pregnant, I figured I would wait until I was home to make the announcement to everyone.
When I got home I went to have a sonogram. The tech told me "congratulations, you're having a girl"!! (um not!) Yes Zion was supposedly a girl. So I made the decision to tell everyone collectively, with my mother in law being the first. She was so excited to have a granddaughter that she started planning the shower right then and there. PINK ,GOLD a royalty princess was the theme. I then gave my intermediate family the news, but they weren't as excited as my mother in law. As a matter of fact I wasn't sure if they were excited at all... (That story coming soon) After all of the Facebook and text message announcements came a flood of congratulations. There were so many people that were happy and supportive. It's also a blessing to have people in your life like that. I continued on with my pregnant self. Soaking up advice from different mothers, telling me to relax, eat what I want and enjoy pregnancy. I read books and magazines, and internet articles about pregnancy and the "perfect" delivery. I had decided that I was going to have a natural birth at a birthing center. You know the ones that are set up with a home environment feel. I visited about three and had finally found the right one. No, doctors, no surgeries, no huge loud machines, just peace and quiet in one big room with a bed, a huge tub and a essential oil diffuser. (I LOVE essential oils) My husband didn't think that was the safest route but I had done a lot of research, prayed and was confident. I was ready, and waiting for the date May 9th 2018 was my due date, but little did I know that Zion would never be born on that date. God had ANOTHER plan... To be continued
(January 15,2019)
