I've only been married for a year and some months... And even though this blog is titled "Married with Scars" it's not just about being married. (as I said before) Although, I now realize that there were things in singleness that prepared me for marriage. The thing about God... Marriage has made me a better person. In fact I've learned that any life change should make you better. God wishes that we would prosper... In every thing, every new thing there is a new challenge. You see, I had mastered singelness... lol. Yeah I became really good at it. So good until at one point I was rejecting everyone (guys) who approached me.I I thought to myself "I'm good" No I wasn't! I had made myself believe that me, and God was all I needed. I even started to make myself feel guilty and shameful when I wished I had someone else to talk to besides my sisters or girlfriends. The seed that was planted in me was to not only wait, but patiently wait. The word patiently was pretty much explained to me as meaning to not put your self out there or to "let him find you". So I did what I thought I was suppose to do, which was reject whoever came my way! So I did just that and as a result, singleness became so easy but the older I got it also became more miserable.
Growing up and well into my young adult years, I had been told to wait... "wait on him" "wait until the right time" "WAIT ON GOD" WAIT! WAIT! WAIT!!!! Here is where that advice failed me... while I was waiting, it was expected of me to stay to myself. Now you're probably asking, who's setting these expectations? The spiritual advisers I had around me did... Yes I'm about to tell it all!! So there I was... looking at thirty and staying to myself. I didn't go out, didn't socialize but I did go to church, faithfully and religiously. After a while, when I started to inch towards thirty three years old, I noticed things around me weren't changing, and the people around me weren't either. I was "WAITING" for (him) to walk through the doors of the church but I wasn't putting forth any effort on my end. What do I mean? I wasn't going out, meeting people, I wasn't socializing, I wasn't having as much fun as I could. You know what I mean by fun... the good kind ( the clean kind) anyway I realized that I wasn't growing as a person. We must, we have to do that first,for ourselves. If not how will we know who we are? How will he/she know us or who we are? We are most attractive when we are happy, when we know ourselves and when we are confident.But no one told me that. Thankfully God showed me himself that those were things I needed to work on while I was WAITING. (Full story coming soon!) So I started to go out and do things. I went to plays, concerts, and visited other churches with friends, and THEN HE WALKED THROUGH THE DOOR of the church (big smile).
So what's the moral of this story? It is OK to work while you wait. Often times we try to be so extra religious or we feel like if we as women quote on quote, put ourselves out there then that means desperation or that means we're not waiting on the Lord, but it's the total opposite. Quick side note... the story of Boaz.. that was one story that was so OVER emphasized during my single time. It wasn't until I was engaged that I really took the time to understand that story. SHE (Ruth) went to Boaz herself an laid at his feet. In other words she was telling him "Here I am" "I'm ready", "do you not see me"? She was classy with it but she did what she was suppose to do, according to those times. She did the work. Do me a favor and read the story again for yourself and really study and get an understanding. So many times we don't take the time to do that and we go by what society says or what certain spiritual leaders tell us but, we are suppose to challenge ourselves and grow. That's how our faith is taken to other levels.
Just remember, when it's time to grow, it's time to go. If you're growing and no one else around you is, then it's time to look around and evaluate who's around you. I was taking the advice of people who weren't where I wanted to be myself. So I had to make changes and ask God what He wanted me to do for my own life...
Disclaimer: This post is in no way blaming,shaming or putting down anyone that has ever been a part of my life or spiritual team, It's simply highlighting what I learned from experience, not disregarding any spiritual advice that was given.
Please leave a comment!!!! Until next time, much love
Shatajshina Jones
(November 6, 2018)